how to avoid getting murdered by imaginary serial killers and/or furnaces

so i've had the house to myself since wednesday, which all in all, has been pretty nice. i can play my music as loud as i want, i can leave my socks all over, and i can even walk around naked if i want (whether or not i have chosen to do so is entirely my business and not yours).

however, all this revelry takes a sharp turn into pure terror whenever the sun goes down. then my house starts making all sorts of noises that i didn't seem to be aware of during daylight hours. with every creak and crack that older houses are wont to make, my mind recalls more and more scenes from every horror movie i have ever seen or heard about, and i become more and more convinced that there is a killer in my house and i am inevitably going to be murdered. then it turns out it's just my heater. or is it? i came up with a plan to avoid the basement, because that is the scariest part of the house. but herein lies two problems: one, my room is in the basement, so i eventually have to go down there at some point (to sleep or get more socks to put on and then leave lying randomly around the house), and two, the bathroom upstairs is out of toilet paper, so if i have to pee, i have to go downstairs.

so then what i generally do is this: turn on every light in the house, and close every door. that way, if there's a killer lurking in a room, i'll hear the door open as he tries to creep out and kill me. in general though, i just try to stay in one spot (preferably in a corner so nothing could surprise me from behind) until i absolutely have to move. like last night, for example, when it came time to move from the upstairs couch into my bed downstairs, i tried to streamline this process as much as possible by just running downstairs to my bed. bam, done. but then, i was like "dangit, i have to pee." nope, stayed in bed. then woke up three consecutive hours in a row this morning, really having to pee. but i didn't go until it was light outside. because i am one of the most neurotic people you will probably ever meet.