beep bop boop!

remember how my computer decided to die a few months ago? well, in a recent slew of events involving apple trying to ruin my life, i decided to tempt fate by poking the power button on my computer. you know, just to see.
WEELLLLLLL...

IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE, PEOPLE.
(seriously. i have no idea how this is possible.)
god bless us, every one!!!

look forward to more stuff like this:

check and check. merry christmas, sweetheart.

(it looks waaaay better when you squint your eyes a little bit.)

ALIVE

guys. i'm sorry.

i know i went through all the trouble of making you send me your email so i could register you to read this private blog, because i had promised you a humorous and intriguing look into my life as a 5th grade dual immersion teacher.

(guilty face)

as it turns out, i just have no life because of this job. also, my computer broke, so at this very moment i am hijacking grace's laptop to type this. the good news though, is that I LOVE MY JOB. seriously. it is awesome. i love my kids, all 46 of their stinky little faces. who knew that 10 year olds were actually the best? i never would have suspected. but really, they're smart enough to laugh at my jokes, but not quite at peak sassiness that will hit from years 12-17.

i'm starting to think that this job is giving me a glimpse into what it will be like to actually have children. i'm not kidding when i say that i love these kids. i think about them all the time. but i'm also not kidding when i say that they annoy the crap out of me sometimes. and make me want to kick puppies. and scream into pillows. but then, i always overflow with excitement and glee when i find an activity or idea that i just know they will love, because i get such a kick out of seeing them happy.

when i gave them their first science test, i think i was more nervous than they were. i seriously tossed and turned the night before, worrying about how they would do on it. did i teach them how to tell the difference between a chemical or a physical change well enough? do they really understand what the law of conservation of matter is? (spoiler alert: nope! that one is apparently still a mystery to them...something to revisit before state testing rolls around.)

i'm pretty sure, however, they understand how to make an electro-magnet, since i burned that lesson into their memory by pretending to electrocute myself. HA SUCKERS!!!

as first quarter comes to a close, here are some things that i have learned about myself, children, and being a teacher:

-folding paper is apparently REALLY hard. you give very explicit directions (all the while modeling the procedure) on how to fold ONCE vertically and 4 TIMES horizontally to get 10 squares, and you get kids with any number of squares, varying from 12 to 36. GUYS. 1X4. THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

-hugs and high-fives from 10 year olds are surprisingly validating.

-grading is my #1 most-hated thing about teaching. hate. loathe. detest. curse.

-for all the talk about the "technology generation", these kids can't type up a paper to save their dang lives. our day in the computer lab made me want to kill myself. case in point:
        i look over and see little buddy literally pulling on his hair and in tears,         looking at me in a total panic.
        me, genuinely concerned: "what's wrong?!!"
        child: "HOW DO I GET TO THE NEXT LINE?!!!??!?!?!?!?!!!"
        me: ...
        child: (helpless and crying)
        me: (reaches down and presses "enter")

crisis averted, i guess. don't even get me started on teaching them how to print. apparently the little button with the PRINTER on it isn't a good enough clue.

sigh. they're dummies sometimes. but mostly they're so funny and smart and cute, and i am happy to be their teacher.

THIS IS IMPORTANT

hi everyone that reads my blog around the world. some changes are going to be happening pretty soon around here. i'm going to have to become a real adult pretty soon, with a real job and stuff. this real job involves parents and 5th graders. i'm concerned that one day, said parents and 5th graders will read my blog and realize how actually incompetent i am and try to have me fired.

so, i'm making my blog private. i know, buzz kill.

what i'm saying is, if you want to keep reading my really hilarious and charming and intellectually stimulating blog, you're going to have to leave me your email address in the comments box so i can add you to an elite list of readers.

WHAT I'M SAYING IS ALL YOU PEOPLE THAT ANONYMOUSLY ENJOY MY BLOG BUT NEVER FESS UP AND LEAVE COMMENTS, THOSE DAYS ARE OVER!!!!! if and when you come to the correct conclusion that you cannot in fact live without my blog, i will gladly accept your declared readership with open arms.

i do hope you will leave your email. because seriously guys, i'm going to be teaching 5th grade IN FRENCH. this is going to be hilarious.

visiting teaching.

guys, i'm really bad at visiting teaching. i've been in my ward for like three months and still haven't done it. (jargon: a ward is like a congregation. visiting teaching is set up kind of so that every person in the ward has a buddy. ah go look at this website.) anyway, background story: last night in a fit of misguided ambition, i decided to make cupcakes to take to church choir in order to bribe people to actually attend. only after i was done frosting them (WITH HOMEMADE STRAWBERRY FROSTING, MIND YOU) that i remembered--it was fast sunday. no one could eat these. we weren't even going to HAVE choir practice.

what to do with all these cupcakes. DING! i will take them to my people that i've been neglecting for three months!

track down their names, check. addresses, check. what they actually look like, no check. (IT'S NOT LIKE FACEBOOK EXISTS OR ANYTHING, AMY.)

(note: none of my people that i visit are named kara. but i thought it would be weird to put their real names. in case some day they read my blog when we become friends.)

here's to someday being able to have normal social interactions.

i have 20/13 vision but my observation skills are pretty lacking.

something happened today that has never happened to me before, but getting there was quite a journey. as told by texts:

obviously the lack of important punctuation confused me at first. and then i kind of thought that it seemed like a scene from a horror movie. "something...is...in the house...with me? WHAT IS IT. WHO IS IT. AM I GOING TO DIE?! WHAT KIND OF SURPRISE IS THIS! YOU'RE A MONSTER!"

but, reason quickly prevailed and i scampered outside to check the mail. i found some junk mail, and a package...for grace. 

so that was really it. no one has ever sent me a soggy phone book before. what a special day for me!!

just kidding. i had to walk around my house 4 times in my pajamas, checking both my doors as well as our upstairs neighbors' porch twice before FINALLY seeing this:

they are quite beautiful, and there is a giant tropical pinecone. or pineapple. i don't know. i might try it later to make sure. 

lately: chicago

i feel i should put a little disclaimer before this post. i don't TRY to make all my posts bathroom-focused, i guess that's just what my life is about sometimes. a lot of times. so...you've been warned. (again, sorry)

pictured: plane! cake shake! giant american flag! bean! mediocre fireworks! airport at 4am!

also pictured: severe digestion malfunctions.

you know what's really good for making good first impressions?

DIARRHEA.

like, "hi, i'm amy. i'm gonna need to use your bathroom. right now. but seriously."
sometimes it happens when you can't make a number 2 for 2 days and then you're like well i should probably take something for that so you do but then it doesn't work like it promised on the box so you take some more and then BAM suddenly when you're in a public place, like say, a restaurant, and whoowee does that medicine start working. and then it keeps working for the rest of the day. while you meet new people and continue hanging out in public places.

IT WAS PRETTY GREAT.

other than that though, the trip was pretty dreamy.

hey guys!!

i worked for four hours today and only got two stains on my shirt!