THIS IS IMPORTANT

hi everyone that reads my blog around the world. some changes are going to be happening pretty soon around here. i'm going to have to become a real adult pretty soon, with a real job and stuff. this real job involves parents and 5th graders. i'm concerned that one day, said parents and 5th graders will read my blog and realize how actually incompetent i am and try to have me fired.

so, i'm making my blog private. i know, buzz kill.

what i'm saying is, if you want to keep reading my really hilarious and charming and intellectually stimulating blog, you're going to have to leave me your email address in the comments box so i can add you to an elite list of readers.

WHAT I'M SAYING IS ALL YOU PEOPLE THAT ANONYMOUSLY ENJOY MY BLOG BUT NEVER FESS UP AND LEAVE COMMENTS, THOSE DAYS ARE OVER!!!!! if and when you come to the correct conclusion that you cannot in fact live without my blog, i will gladly accept your declared readership with open arms.

i do hope you will leave your email. because seriously guys, i'm going to be teaching 5th grade IN FRENCH. this is going to be hilarious.

visiting teaching.

guys, i'm really bad at visiting teaching. i've been in my ward for like three months and still haven't done it. (jargon: a ward is like a congregation. visiting teaching is set up kind of so that every person in the ward has a buddy. ah go look at this website.) anyway, background story: last night in a fit of misguided ambition, i decided to make cupcakes to take to church choir in order to bribe people to actually attend. only after i was done frosting them (WITH HOMEMADE STRAWBERRY FROSTING, MIND YOU) that i remembered--it was fast sunday. no one could eat these. we weren't even going to HAVE choir practice.

what to do with all these cupcakes. DING! i will take them to my people that i've been neglecting for three months!

track down their names, check. addresses, check. what they actually look like, no check. (IT'S NOT LIKE FACEBOOK EXISTS OR ANYTHING, AMY.)

(note: none of my people that i visit are named kara. but i thought it would be weird to put their real names. in case some day they read my blog when we become friends.)

here's to someday being able to have normal social interactions.

i have 20/13 vision but my observation skills are pretty lacking.

something happened today that has never happened to me before, but getting there was quite a journey. as told by texts:

obviously the lack of important punctuation confused me at first. and then i kind of thought that it seemed like a scene from a horror movie. "something...is...in the house...with me? WHAT IS IT. WHO IS IT. AM I GOING TO DIE?! WHAT KIND OF SURPRISE IS THIS! YOU'RE A MONSTER!"

but, reason quickly prevailed and i scampered outside to check the mail. i found some junk mail, and a package...for grace. 

so that was really it. no one has ever sent me a soggy phone book before. what a special day for me!!

just kidding. i had to walk around my house 4 times in my pajamas, checking both my doors as well as our upstairs neighbors' porch twice before FINALLY seeing this:

they are quite beautiful, and there is a giant tropical pinecone. or pineapple. i don't know. i might try it later to make sure. 

lately: chicago

i feel i should put a little disclaimer before this post. i don't TRY to make all my posts bathroom-focused, i guess that's just what my life is about sometimes. a lot of times. so...you've been warned. (again, sorry)

pictured: plane! cake shake! giant american flag! bean! mediocre fireworks! airport at 4am!

also pictured: severe digestion malfunctions.

you know what's really good for making good first impressions?

DIARRHEA.

like, "hi, i'm amy. i'm gonna need to use your bathroom. right now. but seriously."
sometimes it happens when you can't make a number 2 for 2 days and then you're like well i should probably take something for that so you do but then it doesn't work like it promised on the box so you take some more and then BAM suddenly when you're in a public place, like say, a restaurant, and whoowee does that medicine start working. and then it keeps working for the rest of the day. while you meet new people and continue hanging out in public places.

IT WAS PRETTY GREAT.

other than that though, the trip was pretty dreamy.

hey guys!!

i worked for four hours today and only got two stains on my shirt!

this guy.

i am happy my dad is so tall. because my mom is pretty short (but so very cute), and so that means that between the two, i come out to about average height, if not a little taller than most of my friends. (except the friends that are giants.) thanks, dad.

but seriously, i really love my dad so so much. my dad was the catalyst for me going on a mission. i was 22, one semester away from graduating, and considering an internship in france. filling out the application, actually. i went home for christmas break, and one of the things that came up was this:

dad: "so i've been thinking a lot about this, and i really think you should consider going on a mission."
me: *snort* "yeah, ok."

ok. despite my totally bratty response, it did stick with me. because here's the thing--my dad is usually a "you make your own choices and i support you" kind of dad. every once in a while, he'll give suggestions, but only if he thinks it's pretty important. here's the other thing--i really respect my dad. he is very wise. so i started thinking about it, like a "ok i won't say NO, but i'm definitely not saying yes..." and once that door was opened just a little crack, eventually it just blew right open and off i went to tahiti, allowing me to have one of the most rewarding 18 months of my life.

i once heard in a religion class that sometimes God will reveal things to other people for us, because sometimes we're not listening. i am so grateful that my dad is one of those people who does listen, for all the times when i don't.

now things have come full circle, and he's out serving a mission of his own. i couldn't be more proud to be able to say that paul hansen is MY dad.

love you, dad. 

also, if you were here, i would take you to this: 

i have bad luck with spiders.

let's talk about last thursday.
*disclaimer: there are some pictures of me on a toilet. you have been warned.

then, out of the corner of my eye, appears:

and then i:

this spider was huge. way too big to squish with a shoe, because then i would feel it crunch and smush. and i can't handle that. so i went for the next most effective alternative. scrubbing bubbles. 

after using about half the can on the demon and watching him curl up and die, i felt secure enough to do my hair in the bathroom. but i didn't want to touch it (the spider, not my hair), so i left it on the window sill because i also wanted to show grace when she got home, because fear must be shared. 

then i left, spider still curled up and not moving on the window sill. fast forward to a few hours later. grace and i come home. me: "grace come see the giant mutant i killed in our bathroom!" grace: "...iii don't..."

it.

was. 

gone.

after a frantic and scary search in the bathroom to see where it had gone, we found nothing. but i really had to pee. but i was really scared. but i still had to go. so i did. 

i don't think i've ever put my pants back as quickly in my entire life. obviously i made grace kill it the second time around. 

in case you missed this, here is some background on other horrifying spider experiences.