so i survived swine flu, and i figured that would be my major illness for this semester (because i generally allow my immune system one sick leave per semester, i know--so generous). anyway, i'm happily going about living my happy life, talking to my mom on the phone on sunday night when all of the sudden i start feeling this very familiar and very foreboding pain in my lower left back.
like kidney stone pain.
and i was immediately like, "oh crap mom. i think i have kidney stones again." and then she was immediately like "oh no, amy." (my mom would never say "oh crap.") what makes this even MORE fun was that i was sitting on the couch in my man friend's apartment, and so he got the ultimate privilege of seeing me writhing on the floor in agony, and then throwing up in his toilet! what a champ.
so going off of the previous 2 kidney stone experiences that i've already had, i figured i would want to die for about 20 minutes, then the wave would pass. WRONG. after writhing for approximately 35 minutes, i called my mom again, freaked her out some more, and then was ordered to go to the emergency room. so we went (we=grace, matthew, me).
let me tell you, the ER isn't anything like what they show on the show "ER." I felt very deceived. There was no one running around (except for me, running back and forth to the bathroom to puke), no gurneys, no one yelling "stat!" We might as well have been having a tea party. i eventually got a room, a hospital gown, and a nice IV that pumped some serious narcotics into my body.
anyway, i'll spare you the details on the sort of bodily pyrotechnics that pain medications inspire in me, just know that it is not pretty. but i gave birth to a gnarly lookin' stone this morning, so now i'm a proud momma so glad to be off pain meds.
in the words of matthew,
"Drugs for Swine Flu: $30
Pain Killers for Kidney Stones: some fifty odd dollars
Having a demon cast out of your own body . . . priceless)
There are some things money can't buy, and there's some things you couldn't pay me to do. For just such things . . . there's Amy Hansen"
5 comments:
Oh gosh. Amy. Eesh. No fun.
You are such a trooper! Now, so that you have it in writing... a MINIMUM of 4 16oz. water bottles consumed per day, young lady. Next birth from you I want to know about better be a very cute, tiny angel from heaven!
so funny- the ER paragraph.
ahhhhhh AMY! you poor thing, you! i can't even imagine surviving through kidney stones THREE TIMES. but the ER...yeah, my one experience also left me feeling sad that it was no "ER" with doctors running around and blood squirting out of people's arms. wait...maybe that's Kill Bill i'm thinking of.
Amy, I'm just glad Matthew is so fetching hysterical.
Also, could we put your baby in some kind of display jar so that when anyone comes over, they can profit?
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